Insane
by Silent Misery
Summary: In which Natsu isn't as stable as everyone hoped he was and Lucy isn't really as he sees.


Heyo. This one shot is just my gift to you guys xD Just a little drabble I wrote, sort of to celebrate my year anniversary since I've posted. Tbh I usually abandon my accounts before a year passes, so sort of proud that I'm still around. LOL sorry, this is really unnecessary(;

Anywhoo~ enjoy this random drabble, aha. I'm testing out how I should write flashbacks and memories, so here, they're centered. If it annoys you, I'm sorry and you guys can suggest ways I can differentiate. Or how I can make my stories better!

**Disclaimer**: Of course, I don't own Fairy Tail.

**Dedication**: To any readers reading this xD And especially to anyone who has been following me since last year and any followers in general!

**Warning**: Angsty angst

.

A mere glow; a whitish fuzz flashes before Natsu's closed lids. It nears every time he subconsciously blinks, but distances itself and it has him reaching with his fingertips in desperation. _Why_.

His eyes blink open, and he finds himself feeling as if he's falling. The base of his stomach curls in discomfort, sweat gathering at his brow. He breathes heavily, his eyes scanning the room, and then to his arms.

_What?_

His arms are bound to the arm rests at his sides, confusion rising in him. He glances around the room once more, the discomfort rising further through his stomach, curling his insides and up his chest. _Anger_. _Panic_.

"Lucy?" He calls with unease. He struggles against his bindings, kicking and thrashing in a hurried frenzy. "Luce, where are you?" He shouts.

A gasp escapes him when he hears shuffling across the room, near his mattress. He grits his teeth, narrowing his eyes through the darkness. "Luce?" He tries again.

A giggle. One that he has become so accustomed to over the years; one that he's grown to love with all his heart. "Yes?" He hears. He sighs in relief - the voice of the girl who had held his heart.

"Where are we?" He asks curiously, his eyebrows furrowing. Lucy steps forward once, and then another, before she kneels before Natsu. She smiles at him, leaning forward so that her elbows lay comfortably on his knees.

"We're in an asylum, Natsu. Don't panic though, we won't be here for long alright?" She reassures him softly. He gulps uncomfortably, nodding weakly.

"You promise?" He asks cutely. Lucy merely giggles at her boyfriend, cooing at how cute he could possibly be.

"Yes, I promise. Don't act like such a little kid, jeez!" She jokes lightheartedly.

.

"You guys are literally the cutest things, I can't even!" Levy squeals with joy, falling into the empty cushion beside the two. She beams brightly at them, giggling like a child as she watches her best friend fidget in the arms of her boyfriend.

"Lev..." Lucy mumbles embarrassedly. Behind her, Natsu chuckles at his girlfriend's discomfort.

"You two need to get married, and quick. I need to be a god mother, for Christ's sake!" Levy jokes lightheartedly. Natsu sighs, reaching over to intertwine his fingers with Lucy, his thumb rubbing the back of her hand soothingly.

"Lev, quit it." Natsu replies lightheartedly. Levy in return, pouts as she crosses her arms over her chest.

"Fine, but I'm just saying you know. I can only wait so long!"

"Well, keep waitin'!" Another voice grumbles. The three look over toward the doorway, eyes falling on the buff guy waltzing in, his hair tied back behind his bandana. Levy narrows her eyes at the male as he shuffles on over, taking a seat on the floor.

"Why are _you_ here?" Levy groans, pouting once more. He in return, rolls his eyes.

"Way to greet your boyfriend, munchkin." He retorts. Natsu rolls his eyes at the two of them.

"Quit it, why don't you?" He hisses at the two, before turning back to the girl in his arms. He leans closer to her, his chin resting on her shoulder. Beside them, he can hear Levy cooing briefly, before erupting in a meaningless argument with her boyfriend.

"Hey, you okay?" Natsu asks softly, pressing his lips to Lucy's shoulder blade. Lucy turns slightly, eyes meeting Natsu's. She nods.

"Why wouldn't I be?" She replies, softly smiling at him. Natsu frowns slightly, to which Lucy notices. "Don't worry, you know how I am. It's... just embarrassment, Natsu." She reassures. He nods in understanding.

"Hey, do you wanna go out for a walk?" Natsu suggests. Lucy glances over at the clock by the door, contemplating.

"But it's already ten..." She says, pouting. "Why didn't you suggest it earlier?"

He shrugs against her, bringing his lips to her shoulders once more. "Didn't feel like it earlier. I feel like it _now_, though. So how about it?" Lucy sighs at her boyfriend.

"Your priorities, I swear Natsu." She jokes, before wiggling her way out of his embrace. Natsu furrows his eyebrows at her as she slips from his grasp, standing up to straighten herself out. She turns, offering a hand to him.

"Well? Are we going out for a walk or not?" She asks teasingly. Natsu rolls his eyes at his girlfriend before taking her hand and pulling her back to him. She squeals softly, as he takes her up in his arms, his lips moving to press against hers softly. Her eyes widen slightly, before she relaxes and wraps her arms around his neck, eyes fluttering shut.

"You two!" They can faintly hear Levy shrieking at them, cooing at the cuteness. They can also faintly hear Gajeel behind her, gagging at them in fake disgust. Natsu pulls away, a smirk on his lips and a mischievous glint in his eyes. Lucy bites her lip softly, trying to give him a stern look but failing drastically.

"Love you." Natsu whispers, leaning in to give her a quick peck before sticking his tongue playfully at her. He chuckles at the cherry red hue rushing to her cheeks as he pushes the two of them back up onto their feet. He takes her hand in his, before turning to the other two.

"Hey, we'll be back in a while, don't wait up for us." He tells them, trying to keep in the laugh that almost escapes him as he spots Levy freaking out. The four of them walk towards the front door with Lucy a blushing frantic mess and Natsu smirking in accomplishment.

Levy looks out the door, bidding them safety. "Are you sure you guys want to go out now? It's already late!" She asks worriedly, eyeing the darkness beyond their front door. Natsu waves his hand carelessly.

"I'm sure, don't worry Lev. I have keys anyways, we won't be gone too long. Just keep the door locked and keep Gajeel nearby." Natsu replies, winking at the end with his suggestion. Levy narrows her eyes at him, flushing, before she turns away and slams the door shut. Natsu chuckles as he hears the short girl stomping and fuming away childishly.

The door creaks open once more, this time only Gajeel there. "Uncalled for, jackass." He growls at Natsu, eyes narrowed. Natsu merely howls in laughter. "No seriously, you've just left me with a demon!" He hisses quietly. Lucy giggles at this, and Gajeel groans.

"Whatever. You guys suck ass." He grunts, before turning to slam the door shut. "Don't go gettin' frisky out there, ya hear Dragneel?" He says before the door locks behind him. Natsu rolls his eyes at his friend.

He turns, leading Lucy away from the door and into the dark windy night. He smiles softly at the breeze, as Lucy shuffles closer to him, hugging herself into his side while she hums quietly.

"Why did you want to go out so late at night, Nat?" Lucy asks curiously. Natsu silently smiles at the nickname - a nickname he'd come to love from her.

"Just wanted some time to ourselves, you know?" He mutters, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. She moves to snake her arms around his waist, her cheek pressing softly against his side.

She smiles at him, her eyes fluttering shut as they walk. "Our room would've done just fine, Nat."

"Are you suggesting what I think you are?" He teases, a smirk on his lips. Lucy's eyes fly open, her jaw dropping.

"W-what?! No! Are you - Nat!" She whines, attempting to pull away. Natsu merely chuckles at her reaction, signing in content.

"God, you're adorable." He says softly, reeling her back into his arms, pressing a soft kiss to her temple.

The two continue walking around the neighbourhood for a few hours, finally falling upon the park Natsu had first intended on going to. He leads Lucy to the swing sets, taking a seat in one of the empty seats.

The area was barely lit up, streetlights nearby only offering a dim orange-y glint that overlooks the park. Natsu pulls Lucy closer to him, so she stands in between his legs. She smiles softly at him as he looks up at her. She moves to wrap her arms around his shoulders, as his snake around her thin frail waist.

"Nat?" Lucy whispers softly. Natsu hums in response, signalling that he'd heard her. "I love you."

Natsu smiles brightly at this. He leans up, pressing his forehead gently against hers. He can feel her soft puffs of breaths against his cheeks and lips. "Love you too, Luce."

A soft breeze passes by them, as the two smile in their silence, content. "Do you know why we're here?" He whispers. Lucy's eyes flutter open, eyebrows furrowing.

"What?" She asks, cluelessly. He chuckles at her, mentally cooing at how adorable she was.

He leans in to peck her on the lips. "Happy anniversary, babe." He whispers, before pressing his lips against hers once more with more pressure. Almost eagerly, Lucy responds.

.

He grits his teeth, fists clenching in anger. "How... _Why?!_" He yells, his anger getting the better of him. She flinches at his increased volume, moving to look down at her feet.

"Natsu, please. I don't -"

"You clearly _do_, if you're agreeing to this!" He growls. He almost feels bad when she flinches once more, cowering away from him. But he doesn't. He can't feel bad for her - not when she's betrayed him like this.

"Why would I ever want to send you away? Are you insane!" Lucy exclaims in disbelief. Natsu merely shakes his head at her.

"Apparently, I _am_. Seeing as how, well, you're sending me to an asylum!" He shrieks. Lucy sighs shakily, running a hand through her blonde locks.

"Natsu, please listen to me." She tries calmly. He merely shakes his head at her.

"Listen?" He laughs, almost crazily. "I know what I need to know - you want me gone!" He hisses in anger, pacing around the room. He glances around the room, wishing for once that they had still lived with Levy and Gajeel. Because maybe, maybe that way he'd be able to control his anger knowing that Gajeel was there to stop him if it was needed.

Lucy shakes her head frantically, stepping towards him. Her hands hold desperation at his biceps. "I don't want you gone, Nat. _Please_ believe me!" She almost begs. He narrows his eyes at her, silently fuming as he allows her to talk.

"Nat, you know that I of all people, wouldn't want to send you away willingly. I can't live without you, why would I ever do that?" She tells him quietly, calmly.

"You tell me!" He barks.

"Ji-chan suggested it, alright! I was against it, Nat, I really was!" Lucy tries to convince him. He shakes his head, ripping her grasp from him.

"_Was_. But now you're on board with it, Lucy!" He yells again. His throat is growing sore, with all the yelling he'd been doing. "You _betrayed_ me, Lucy. How _dare_ you?" He whispers.

"I didn't betray you Natsu! Listen, I love you and don't ever forget that. I'm not betraying you by agreeing to this, alright? I want what's best for you!"

"By sending me off?!"

Lucy sighs at him, frustratedly. Whatever she said - it wouldn't get through to him. She runs another hand through her hair, rubbing her face with her palm. She'd tried so hard to convince everyone else he was fine, but when he'd gone into one of his angry episodes in front of everyone, she knew she could no longer protect him the way she wished. Everyone had seen how he had gotten - how else could she convince them otherwise?

"It's not like we won't ever see each other, Nat! I'll be by your side the whole time, I swear. You'll - you'll be prescribed medicine, they'll help you with dealing your anger! This isn't a bad thing, Nat, please." Lucy begs him.

"Not a bad thing? You're joking, Lucy. You're trying to lock me up in a place for _crazy_ people. I'm not crazy!" Natsu roars, his anger skyrocketing. Lucy bites her lip, she knows she wouldn't get through to him - not today. She knows she'll lose her patience with him if this continues.

"How dare you. I thought you were on my side, you of all people knew how I am. I thought I _finally_ found someone who _accepted_ me!" He hisses bitterly. Lucy feels as if her throat had been constricted, the tears welling up in her eyes.

"I do accept you! Nat, why are you so convinced that I'm trying to harm you? I'm doing what's better!" She cries, the tears trickling down her cheeks. Natsu shakes his head, marching away. Lucy runs to grab him, and he flinches, slapping her away. She fumbles, hitting the floor, her back against the door.

"You _don't_." He growls. Lucy bites her lips to keep a sob from escaping her. She knows nothing will get through. She knows his anger will only increase if this meaningless argument continues. She knows how illogical he becomes when he's angry.

She lets out a shaky sigh, pulling herself to her feet. "I can't believe this. You, you of all people!" She hears him mumbling to himself, and she wants to cry and hug him and apologize for her rash decisions. But she doesn't. Because for once, she knows what she's doing for him is right.

She begins walking towards the door, to leave and let him calm down. To leave and make sure she doesn't make him feel any worse than he already did.

"Where are you going? We aren't done here!" He yells angrily, as her hand reaches for the door. He narrows his eyes, black spots appearing in his vision, growing bigger and bigger. "Hey!" He growls. He can narrowly see her making it toward the door, her fingers already on the knob. She's saying something, but he can't hear her; it's all blended and muffled together, as if someone were trying to talk to him while he had water in his ears.

And then his sight goes blank - nothing but black. He vaguely remembers reaching for something, and before he knows it, he hears a cracking shatter.

He blinks, his sight clear. Before him, he spots the limp body on the ground. He spots the blonde locks splayed out all over the floor, the crimson colour staining the blonde locks, and seeping into the carpet. He can see the glass fragments, and his throat dries.

His eyes widen, "L-Luce?" He calls weakly. There is no response, and suddenly his legs feel limp. He shuffles over to her clumsily, turning her over to face him. Her mouth remains partially open, a scream stuck in her throat. He can see the glass that embeds itself into her skin, at her temple, and in her shoulder and neck.

He gasps, disbelievingly.

_No_.

"Calm down." He hears through his ragged breathing. He clenches and unclenches his fists, his finger nails progressively digging deeper into his skin, forming crescent like shapes in his palms. He slowly opens his eyes, gaze meeting chocolate brown orbs. A small gentle smile flickers over her petal pink lips.

"Shh, it's just me. Don't worry." She tells him softly, running a hand through his hair gently. His breathing calms, his gaze still locked with the woman before him.

".. What's - what'll happen to me?" He whispers weakly, a frown tugging at the corners of his thin lips. The girl's hand drops from his hair, slowly moving towards his arm. As if ghostly, her fingers trail over his forearms with feather like touches, before stopping short between the crook of his elbow.

"Nothing, sweetheart. Don't worry, they just stopped you from having another one of your episodes." She mumbles before leaning forward, gently pressing her lips to his with minimal pressure. "You'll be fine."

He merely nods in understanding, his breathing finally coming in regular intervals. "Luce, how come I haven't seen you around lately?" He asks quietly. Lucy stops, her fingers pressed against the needle in his arm.

"Hm. I wonder." She whispers back, before she resumes massaging the flesh softly. She hums a soft tune - a familiar one that has Natsu smiling brightly like a young child. He spots a similar smile sporting Lucy's lips.

"When do you think we'll return to normal?" He questions innocently. Almost immediately, the smile Lucy had, drops. Natsu tilts his head questionably.

Lucy frowns. "What do you mean, normal?" She questions. Natsu softly bites at his lower lip, unsure.

"Like - like how we were before. Before I was put in here - before our relationship..." He abruptly cuts short, a painful tug blooming in his chest. As if being drenched in ice cold water, his eyes widen at the loss of breath before shivering.

"Y-you..." He tries, gasping. His eyes catch hers once more, the light he had been so convinced he had seen in her eyes, dulling as the second blow by. He pushes forward, knocking around in the chair he was bound to, trying with desperation to escape his binds. His head hurts - exploding with realization.

_ I'm sorry, _he says, rocking back and forth, the tears coming forth. _Why... Why!?_

"You're not..." He states weakly, looking up at the hazy image before him.

His hands move to wrap around her waist and head, cradling her closer to his chest. _Why - why didn't you fight back?_ He cries. His hands shakily move towards her pale cheeks, his thumbs gently rubbing circles in the hollow of her cheekbones. His fingers trail from her cheeks, down to her lips.

_Is this revenge for the pain I caused you? I'm sorry Luce, truly! Please.._. He sobs, _Come back! Please. _

He moves to take a good look at her eyes. They stare back up at him, blank and lost of all its shine. He doesn't believe it, he refuses to. He couldn't have possibly taken her life from her. _Please Lucy, answer me!_

The door behind him flies open, a short old man running into the apartment in a frenzy. He stops short, his eyes falling upon the distraught boy with the lifeless girl in his arms. His jaw drops in disbelief - he couldn't have.

_Natsu... What happened here?_ He asks tensely, making a move to the two young adults. Behind him, his grand daughter reaches for the phone, her fingers dialling the three-numerical number that ensured emergency.

As the man kneels before the two, he flinches at the lifeless eyes that stare back at them. _I-I .. I didn't mean to! We - we were arguing, and I got mad and... I don't know! She was trying to leave and - and I wasn't finished talking... I didn't mean to, I swear ji-chan! I'm... I'm so sorry! _Natsu explains in a hurried mess, his voice cracking as he continues to cry over the loss of his girlfriend.

_What did you do_. The old man asks calmly. He had known, he had known it would've been wiser to have put the young boy in an asylum earlier. Maybe, just _maybe_, it wouldn't have ended this way if he had done it sooner.

_The vase... I don't know what came over me, but before I knew it it was in my hands and I had thrown it at her. _He explains quietly, guilt tearing at him. _B-before I knew it, she was on the ground, eyes lifeless and bleeding!_

"You're not real."

He can hear the sirens, and now he knows he's done it. He'd thought he could control his demons, but in the end he had figured out that he could not. And as a result of it, he had lost the one woman he had ever truly found himself caring for - and possibly caring for in the future for many years to come.

_I swear it wasn't on purpose_. He whispers. The old man before him leans over, hand resting on his shoulder as a sign of comfort.

_I know it wasn't. You can't control your demons, and it isn't your fault when you find yourself in one of your episodes. But what's done is done, Natsu, and she's gone_. He replies calmly, with a frown.

_I- I blew it. I'm sorry Luce, I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment_. He whispers quietly, as he leans closer to the stiff, cold and lifeless body. He holds back another heart wrenching sob, moving to close her eyes. A teardrop slips from his eyes, trailing down his nose and onto her forehead. _I love you_. He says, before leaning down to press his lips to her forehead.

Tears gather in his eyes. "All this time... You weren't real, were you?" He asks quietly. He sits alone in a dark empty room, his arms bound to the sides of the chair he sits in. The girl he'd been seeing, nowhere in sight.

"You were just a hallucination.." He continues, in realization.

"I - I'm the reason you aren't here anymore." He clenches his jaw, the tears trickling down his cheeks. He weakly struggles against his binding, in pain and remorse.

"How long? How long have I been lying to myself!?" He roars, everything finally crashing down on him. An unstable wail emits from between his lips, the pitch broken and unstable as he cries.

"How could I let myself do that to you?" He cries to nobody. "How could I let my demons take over?"

He closes his eyes, the blonde coming back to him. Her chocolate brown eyes sparkling with joy, screaming life and happiness. Her petal pink lips upturned in a smile he knew that was reserved just for him.

He opens his mouth, the words slipping out quietly almost lost between his cries and sniffles.

"I'm so sorry, Luce."

* * *

**Note**: So basically, if you didn't understand, Natsu was placed in an asylum due to hallucinations and anger/bipolar episodes. Might seem unrealistic, I'm sorry. But anyways, what happens is that he accidentally kills Lucy in a fit of anger, and ever since then, he started having hallucinations of Lucy, not fully understanding that she wasn't really there anymore.

Some parts are honestly just really random, like the walk in the park with Lucy and Natsu. I figured I wanted to show how their relationship tended to be when they were still healthily together, and after that is the argument that lead to Lucy's unfortunate death, and what ultimately leads Natsu into the asylum.


End file.
